My 10 Year Anniversary

Today 10 years ago I moved to the US.

I was excited. Wanted to get out in the big world. For some reason I always dreamed about living in America. The opportunity opened up and I jumped on it. You can always come back, my Family said. Selflessly they supported me in whatever I decided to do. With mixed feelings I leave. I'm happy, I'm sad, excited and scared at the same time. Then the Culture shock. After the initial excitement wears off, I'm confronted with reality. People are different over here and I miss Germany. Still do to this day. It's hard being away from my family, missing birthdays and holidays. But we're still close, in a different way. I'm glad technology has evolved so rapidly and it's easier to stay in touch. When I moved away people just started to have cell phones and using the internet. Now everybody is available anytime. I'm writing this sitting on a beautiful campground in Zion National Park. This wouldn't have been possible 10 years ago.


Time flies and the occasional phone calls from friends in Germany, telling me that this or that person had a baby or got married, make me realize how long I've been away. I'm shocked to realize another year has gone by. It gets easier and I'm starting to feel more at home in the US. I still miss Germany but I start missing the US as well whenever I go back to Germany to visit. It's like there's two separate worlds and I'm part of both of them. Two parallel lives or homes I have.

When I think of Germany, I miss the simple things…hearing the birds sing, the forrest, the fresh crisp air after it rains. Although I hate that it rains so much there. I miss the food…the pre-packaged Kraft Spaghetti dish called Miracoli, that my dad used to make for me when I was little. I've been hooked on this stuff ever since. I've brought boxes full of it back to the US. Smuggled them in my suitcase, worried they'll opened my suitcase at customs and find 20 packs of it and take them away. But I don't care, it's not an extraordinary dish, just comfort food that reminds me of my childhood. I miss the fresh bread you can pick up from one of the many bakeries in town and the black forrest cherry cake my mom made for my birthdays. I miss certain things about Germany and despise others. And I feel the same way about America. I love the lightness of existence people lead here. Americans are positive, happy, open and friendly, yet at the same time they can be superficial and it takes a while to establish real friendships. Germans are much more direct, in a way that would often be considered rude in the US. But they're honest and you know right away if they like you or not. Germans often seem more genuine but there's this heaviness that everybody carries around. I don't know if it's the bad weather that makes people grumpy or the burden of the war that still lingers over generations long after. Germans often seem confined by their own structure and rules, that make it hard for them to break free from. I'll struggle with it sometimes. I want to be both. I love structure, it makes me feel secure but I also yearn for freedom. That's what I love about America. You can be anything you want here. You can dream, you can break free and try new things. Fail and get up again, learn and explore. That's exactly what I did during the last ten years, there's failures and accomplishments. I'm a different person now then I was back then but I don't regret anything and I'm happy where I am today.